Stereo Comics   +  TIME

The mission statement.

I've got to wonder about that little box-off on the sidebar for the Northern Irish Bloggers web-ring. God only knows if it sends any traffic my way (I've been relegated to the second-to-last link on the second-and-last page of their list of members, where once alphabetical order had me right at the top of the first division, but I'm not bitter), and I feel little camaraderie emanating from my fellow Norn Irish bloggers. I've an innate distrust of politics, for starters, and have no interest in telling anecdotes about the day-to-day ironies of life in the bizarre little statelet I call home. I'm down with Jerry Cornelius when he said that someday, faith in political ideologies will be seen as being as backward as faith in religion. This puts me severely on the outs with my countrymen, where politics and religion go merrily skipping down the lane hand-in-hand. Also, I'm from outside Belfast, at the other end of the M1 entirely, which must be a bit confusing for some of them, poor sods, who may well think the Flat Earth ends somewhere just past Lisburn.

Anyway, when the Ringleader (who's dropped his link to here from his sidebar, I notice, but again - I'm not bitter) e-mails me with a little questionnaire, I thought, okay, this'll give me a chance to explain a few things I've never bothered to before, or took for granted that any right-thinking individual could work out on their own. So here goes, just 29 days later than I received the original e-mail.

What is the title of your blog?
It's "Bad Comedian", but it also answers to "badlibrarianship" and Bad Comedian". I don't mind.

Why did you call your blog...
As a jokey reference to BAD LIEUTENANT, and that's all. It's the distance between Harvey Keitel's character in that movie, and the public's perception of librarians. Really. I'm actually pretty good at my job. I'm always polite to nuns.

Why do you blog?
I always say it's to keep my writing muscles in some form of training, though another answer would be that I was thoroughly sick of throwing my wisdom around like pearls before swine on messageboards. Now you can get all my pearls of wisdom in one handy place, swine! Look appreciative!

What has been your best blogging experience?
Any time a childhood or longtime favourite has contacted me out of the blue, over something or other I've posted here.

What would be your main blogging advice to a novice blogger?
The only hangover cure that really works is heroin, but that's another kettle of fish altogether.

What are your favourite blogs?
My favourite blogs are the ones that really put the work in, but ironically enough, those bloggers tend to burn out quickly, and give up, feeling resentful and exhausted. But basically, I heartily endorse anyone with a link in my sidebar. But don't click on that one marked "Bellboy". That'll f*ck up your browser.

What is your favourite book?
I'm trying to think of one I forgot to put in my profile here at Blogger... Uh... howzabout THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING. Or THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS. There's two books that sit well together.

What is your favourite film?
Again, one I've forgot to add to my profile... CRANK. It appeals to the part of me that is forever Tommy Vercetti.

What is your favourite poem?
Something nice and cheery. Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse.

Who are your 'Top 10' favourite musical artistes or bands?
I like both kinds of music - The Stooges with Ron Asheton on guitar, and The Stooges with James Williamson on guitar.

Who is your favourite comedian?
Peter fu*king Cook. But this always makes me laugh:

If you were to relive your life to this point, is there anything you'd do differently?
I'm tempted to quote John Betjeman here. But let's just say it's not "is there anything you'd do differently", but "is there anybody you'd do differently". Heh.

What would you call your autobiography?
"Ralph Hall is a C*nt"

Who would play you in the film about your life?
If I was unavailable to do it, Muhammad Ali-style, then Mark Benton.

What are your hobbies, apart from blogging?
I'm pretty sure my blogging touches on all that crap anyway.

What is your most treasured possession?
My Gibson CS 336. Really, it is just too good for a punk-assed guitarist like me. I should be playing an SG or something.

Who are your sporting heroes?
I'm a "No More Heroes" kinda guy, but I'll say Brian Clough. And one of the few times I've ever been starstruck was bumping into Billy Hamilton at the bar at a B.B. King gig.

If you won a million on the Lotto what would you spend it on?
I've mentioned it here and hereabouts before: I'd blow it all starting my own publishing company. I'll need plenty of capital, which is why I only do the lottery on rollovers.