Okay, so tonight I was Santa for a bunch of Portuguese kids at a Christmas party. It was fun, and I got paid double time for doing it out of hours. I had a bit of a hangover from the work's xmas piss-up the night before, but it was okay. More importantly, I've discovered the amazing shamanistic power of Santa. Or to be precise, the Santa suit. To put it on is to be privy to the amazing changes that come over people in your presence. Obviously children, but not only. The cheapest, tackiest, most ill-fitting Santa suit, on any individual, even the most physically unsuitable, will still give the wearer an incredible (and therefore magical) hold over children. The wearer and the observer join in an unspoken pact, a ritual, to set aside the real, and embrace the mythic qualities the suit possesses. Sure, you say, maybe it was just the Aussie shiraz in my bloodstream (or the Guinness). But if you doubt my words, go out and buy one. Put it on. Feel the power of the Santa suit.
But use it only for good, never for evil. With great power comes great responsibility, as The Man once said.