So, there I was at work, reading my local paper (the Tyrone Courier), scanning the "Around The Courts" page. My favourite usually, because I get to see which of my customers are up for daft misdemeanors (my second favourite being the obituaries, 'cus I get to see which of my customers aren't going to get round to returning their overdue books any time soon). I saw that one library user of long standing, who also happens to be the ex of my best mate's missus, was nicked for being drunk and disorderly outside the Women's Aid centre in Cookstown. I'm guessing the sad sack was probably stalking some poor cow (probably an east-European co-worker, if rumour holds up). He was ran out of my town for harassing some, "ahem", young ladies connected to some "local businessmen", a few months ago, and we haven't seen him since.
Now, as I'm laughing my bollocks off at this guy, and how his latest indiscretion has widely publicised his new location, I see a familiar name and address in the story below. My next door neighbour has been held over for assaulting a police officer. Actually, she's been held over on multiple charges: assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, and damaging police property.
You know what? I'd still do her. Maybe I'll bake her a cake with a file in it.