Well, I've just watched all twenty episodes of the cartoon STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS back to back on Toonami. Tiny bite sized pieces of Jedi goodness stitched together to make something surprisingly substantial. And, damn, they were good, everything you remember STAR WARS to be - thrilling, funny, scary - rocking the whole rollercoaster gamut of the action movie spectrum (there's one for the DVD cover), hopefully revealing Genndy Tartovsky to a wider audience to be a true auteur (fans of his work on DEXTER'S LABORATORY, POWERPUFF GIRLS and SAMURAI JACK already knew this, of course).
Unfortunately, it's also brought back what a disappointment the prequels George Lucas made were. I'm enough of a STAR WARS nut to still hope against hope that REVENGE OF THE SITH will live up to the (fading) expectations of the fanbase. I remember seeing the trailer for THE PHANTOM MENACE when it came out, and the excited buzz it caused amongst my nerdy brethren. Seeing Ewan McGregor and Liam Neeson battling it out with the impossibly cool looking Darth Maul, I hoped that this was going to be everything I wanted it to be - basically a film that established the jedi order as kickass space samurai. The overall arc the new trilogy had to take seemed obvious. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, an order of ("ahem") kickass space samurai police a generally peaceful cosmos full of guys in latex suits, assorted muppets and CGI aliens. Obi Wan Kenobi initiates a young, impetuous Anakin Skywalker into the Jedi. Over the course of three movies, we see the Republic subverted into becoming the Empire, Skywalker fathering Luke and Leia then subverted into becoming Darth Vader, and the Jedi scattered and wiped out. And along the way, we should get to see plenty of jaw-dropping lightsaber battles. Obi Wan kicks Anakin into a volcano. Pyrrhic victory, Kenobi and Yoda go into hiding. Bada-bing, mission accomplished. Three movies: first, an already teenaged and angry Anakin joins the Jedi; second, Anakin is established as a hero fighting alongside the Jedi: third, Anakin betrays the Jedi. Simple enough, right? This is the story of Darth Vader and his genesis, right, so it has to start dark and get even darker, surely?
The hype builds. News escapes of the plot. Liam Neeson's character seems to be doing pretty much all the mentoring in the movie, with Obi Wan himself not yet a full jedi. Anakin seems far too young for the job of establishing himself as both heroic and troubled, or as the "great pilot" Ben tells Luke of, or to be the romantic lead who romances Padme, and fathers "the new hope". Darth Maul seems great though, genuinely menacing, just like the first time you saw Darth Vader, man, remember that - the wheezing respirator, the black cape, the skeletal visage of his helmet? Hope there's plenty of this new pants-wetting Sith Lord in the new movie, I thought to myself.
I manage to obtain an illicit VHS copy of the movie weeks before the movie opens. I assemble my peers, STAR WARS cultists to a man, all from the class of '76-'77. The first generation of true believers, brought together for a communal dose of the old time religion. And what do we get? Sheer boredom, with the occasional enervating blast of the old magic. We reassure each other - it must have been a rough cut, what we'll see at the cinema will be superior. It isn't. What we wanted: all out Jedi versus Sith madness. What we got: cloying sentiment and impenetrable waffle. Poor pacing. Unconvincing relationships between the leads. Jar Jar fucking Binks.
Anyway, I'm going out tomorrow and buying the original trilogy on DVD. As soon as THE CLONE WARS gets a DVD release, I'll buy that too. And for old times sake, I'm sure I'll go and see REVENGE OF THE SITH at the cinema. If George Lucas ever decides to keep the STAR WARS franchise going after that, I hope he won't surround himself with yes-men, and brings in collaborators of the standard of Lawrence Kasdan, Irvin Kershner and the late, great Leigh Brackett again. The contributions of Genndy Tartovsky remind us that the galaxy far, far away remains a tremendously fruitful destination for storytellers. Hell, we know that STAR WARS is yours to do what you want with it, George - all we're asking is that you tread softly, because you tread on our dreams.